One of the most profound things that the Lord said to me....... a few years back now... when i was questioning (as i often do)- but it i was after some debate on The Cross, and why His death - and how He died- looked and was so unbearable in the torturous reality.

He said, "The Cross was just as much of My Glory - and if it wasn't for the forgiveness I extended from it, - the Resurrection couldn't have been possible" -
and i realized in that moment, He brought me some how, back in time, to that point........ when He extended His forgiveness --"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." That the reality in that moment, was that act of forgiveness broke every bond - that if He didn't forgive, from that place, He couldn't have been raised from the dead. That He would have been bound, and thereby, we would have been bound- by that same sin......... In that - when we forgive, even when it's unjust, unbearable, unrighteous, unholy, - even in excruciating pain- We hold the keys that once held us captive, but we then release that power over another- to set them free. Resurrection power is not a one time event, even as Paul says, "that we die to ourselves daily"- if that is truth, then the Resurrection is daily too. when we die to ourselves, it allows us to Live deeper in His Resurrection power.

I'm not saying it's easy, for this world is an unjust court- then we have the court in our heads- and all our inner debate on worth, validity, experience and lack. I've stammered at God before, with the statement, "well Your God, and i'm not"- so how can i extend that type of selflessness - and He reminded me that "the mystery of the Gospel" is that He is living (conquered hell, death and the grave)- actually living with and IN us. Even in the most feeble attempt, when i want to pick back up, from the foot of that cross, what i just laid down--- even in the most humanist of endeavoring - He is able to use the weakness of our often fickle hearts- because His grace is sufficient and made perfect.

Thing is - I'm a Judges daughter x's 2- My earthly dad was a Judge and sat on the bench for 46 years - "Workman's Compensation Judge"- which is a bit prophetic enough, but my dad is fond of saying, "I didn't go into Criminal Law, because there was too many criminals in the Law"- He came to know Jesus in a near death experience and learned of Grace in a profound way- taught me it.... and it cost a lot.... Some of it i know the price daily, and though it's been excruciating at times, i wouldn't change it. Often times forgiveness is a daily walk, i can think of so many reasons that justify my holding on to anger- and often times i do..... but then the reality of "what was done - was done"-- the more i hold it, the less i can extend myself to the Unconditional, relentless Love of ABBA....... He didn't hold back. The only thing i want to hold to is the Hem of His garment and His irrevocable promises, that are mine in and By Him.

I mostly wrote this out- to remind myself.............. He said to "call Me to remembrance"- and even in that..... He didn't just remember me, HE knew my unformed substance. It's good to remember- the price, the cost, the Holy Fire that is only kindled by the Living Power of Resurrection.

shalom

Addison Road - Hope Now

This really touches me.... ---------- so many things i'm thinking right now.... so many Heart spaces that need touching.... So many promises still in the wait..........

So i had this idea.... to update info on my blog...

Well with all the packing and moving (twice in the last 4 months!)- i thought it was time to tidy up my blog a bit and add/delete a few things. So if you take a gander to your Right- and down a bit... I've updated:

(Tribe- Family of Friends)- because some of my dearest are singers/songwriters/musicians.... you will note (no pun intended) the word MUSIC next to their names. Thankfully, some of 'em, have added a MySpace/Music - so now it's pretty easy to hear what is up and what is new. (i've been severely blessed by being able to hear most of 'em since they started jamm'in out- and many who were once in that "bad hair cut" stage of their musical endeavours - which is a Stephen Roach quote, though i don't ever recall him in that light, even when he was banging on his plethora of instruments at wee hours in the morning, (while i was trying to sleep i might add!)- thankfully, i'm a night owl- but at that point i had to be at work pretty early. (since then i've modified my working hours to accommodate my late night rambling and musing) So if i could be a Elbow here... go grab some tunage - and if you like it.... (or love it)- bless them by sending them some MOOLA and buy a new CD!

The other's on that list, are dear ones as well, and keep a on line journal of sorts- well worth the gander. Of course, mostly everyone is on FaceBook these days, my friend Amy Chapman calls that "the worlds biggest Front Porch"- which i would whole-heartedly agree. - however this stuff is a bit more in their Kitchen over a good pot of coffee.

I've also added "NOSHING ON BLOGS" section - Just a fast reference as to who i read. (some more than others)- but it was a way to "get the word out" on some folks that are pondering and laboring in Kingdom Fields. (and i promise to add more links in my posts- thank you Andrew- or at least point over to the right side of the page)

Well the Blog is a work in progress, as is our lives. I'm pondering a collective blog with a few of my "BodyWorker" friends.. from a Medical/ holistic / arts space- it's bounced a round long enough in the back of my head and is causing my fingers to chomp at the bit - However - that is a more personal interest thang and in discussion with some of my fellow "laying on of hands and often elbows" crew- it might prove interesting. There is so much from the New Age aspect of that.... that we have been discussing the Spirit space and Dunimus aspects of Skilled Touch with prayer. More on that later, hopefully.

shalom ya all,
to the deepest places!
xo cathryn

Tall Skinny Kiwi- Andrew always brings good Meat

What can i say, after reading "Tall Skinny Kiwi" for so long----------------

"A dying breed of Bloggers..... " NEVER! So i was reading his last post and i had to add to the many comments on such an absurd and daft thought.........

The one thing i can say about my friend is that he always brings the MEAT TO THE TABLE!

so here is my "off the cuff" and quick poem quip to Toast to the very Living - Andrew Jones!

I raise my Tall Skinny glass in a toast....
salt peaty humor of Orkney's Coast....
To the finest Single Malt on the Blogosphere
BE That Logos to My Ear!!!!!
His fingers dance and twitter still
send some dosh to bless the skill
though ego bellows when it's torn
by evils Tempest Cyber-Storm
Blessed by lightning dexterity
Love of God his pint of heresy
Jesus poured out in Word- I Phone
You will Never standalone!

Ok, so you didn't get a full page of accolades ---- BUT YOU KNOW YOU'RE LOVED!!!

The Christian Zionists, the Jewish Community, and Israel. Dynamic Panel Discussion.

On Sept 11th- i attended a really cool gathering at the Dell Jewish Community Campus in Austin. Honestly, it was a tall order - and even the term Christian Zionists makes me cringe a little. ( I was raised in a Irish/Italian Catholic household - double untundra there!- but i'm adopted and my birth mom is Jewish with some Irish in there- so i'm admittedly a MUTT of sorts.. add to that some POMO salt and pepper and you have "falafel mutton zitti!")

However the panel was a willy bunch of sorts, including:

Malcolm Hedding (Executive Director, International Christian Embassy Jerusalem _ ICEJ) ICEJ sounds a bit like a "Myers-Briggs" personality profile- and in certain respects is a theological one. Hedding was passionate and grace-filled which i gather is a G-d given skill considering all with which he is involved.
Rev. Rick Randall (Pastor of Cornerstone Church in Austin- He served with John Hagee for 19 years)- he really was a pleasure to meet and did a gracious job as well, without completely dodging the "Pink Elephant" in the room. More on that later....

And.......... Rabbi Kerry Baker (Rabbi, Congregation Kol Halev, Austin)- Who "G-d bless him" (just kidding Rabbi Baker, but you had to go and use the G-d bless 'em southern- ism in your response!!!) He really made me laugh with some of his New York Jewish flare, and you have to come from that area, as i did in NJ to fully appreciate his dry but dead to center humor!

It began with honoring all those that died on 9/11 in a moment of silence- which i think is profound, because of the strength of that silence. I've never been in a group so diverse from a Jewish and Christian perspective and felt such UNITY as in that moment. It was an embracing moment of understood grief that cross sectioned in our hearts. I just wished we all could have held hands in that space as a further note of solidarity. With that we entered into to the evening.................

The topics (or brief expounding on why they were there and what they represented) was a colourful mix.

Malcolm Hedding leading with "The Theology of Christian Zionists and ICEJ activities in Israel and the World"- That is a mouthful to say the least even as i nosh on my spiritual Falafel! Hedding shared a passionate history of the Christian Zionist movement - which was amazing in detail as much as it was profound in some revelation! I really wished it had been recorded because i would have gone through the pains of my computer illiteracy to have posted it as a pod cast! Mostly, because of the authenticity of that first movement that embraced our Jewish heritage. I have much respect for this man, though it was such a brief meeting- his heart's passion is quite evident.

Rick Randall spoke on "The night to Honor Israel in the US"- which is up coming in San Antonio!!!-
He really did go into some dangerously humouristic accounts as to his first time in Israel! Though i'm not your "Hagee" fan, perhaps that's because i am just as guilty in my caution to some of Pat Robertson's views of the Apocalypse - as my jewish friends are.... It did give me an appreciation as to some of my Evangelical brothers and sisters in their effort to Stand with Israel.

Rabbi Kerry Baker spoke on "The significance of the Christian Zionists to the Jewish Community and Israel"- which was also more than a tasty Auderve of wit and understandable cynicism. Which poked fun at both sides of the table. He really did challenge the Jewish community to take a closer look and an understanding heart view .. that not all "Christians" want to see Israel flourish in order to accommodate their personal fulfillment of Revelation- at the expense of Jewish heritage. While at the same time... giving a historical referential view as to why it's wisdom to look at things closely in respect to what has been done BY Christians over the centuries. (I would say sins of volition as well as sins of omission - with the occasional ;-0 sins of Admission!)

I hinted at the "pink elephant" before, and what transpired was a literal line or queing up of questions to the panel. The preface before all the questions, was that it would be a question rather than a opinionated speech- and well, you can't quench passion, so it was a mix of both, with the latter being formed as semi- rhetorically notion- ed questions. ( i really was grateful to one Rabbi from the community that got up and asked "how can the Jew's help the Christians?")- and Hedding responded with an impassioned YES, in respect to all the Christians that have undergone persecution in Africa - Hedding is South African and was preaching against Apartheid - to the point that he had to leave the country!)

Finally, a Rabbi's wife, (sorry i didn't get her name)- asked the obvious in a heart felt- extended thought......
where she was working Hospice and one of her dying patients was so very upset that "she" didn't know Jesus, therefore when she died, she would NOT see her friend in heaven.- and bottom line, what was the agenda for all this "christian support?"- if they the "Christians" held them in a different light (dimmer) - in that the Christians knew more than they the "Jews" and wanted them to "find Jesus" per say as their Messiah.

Since this was the "first" of a dialogue between Jews and Christians in this type of forum, (locally)-- it was a question that needed to be asked... both Hedding and Randall were more than willing to address the issue.

Bottom line really came down to honoring each others differences, yet holding to the frame, without the Jews we would not have Christendom.- the proverbial thought being, that on some things, we might just disagree yet it's important to see the common ground and stand with each other in the Monotheism. (Shema!)

Of course, as a good post modern CharisMystic, i asked Randall after the discussion, where he sees the Emerging Church in relationship to all of this. To which he responded, "they are not even addressing it". Sad to say, even in the loosest extent of it, he's right there. To which i might add, i'm more of a Zionist in thinking, than i would have admitted previously.

I know my heart for Israel, - so this is NOT a question that i struggle with on the day to day.... Some would call it the "double covenant theory"- in that i do believe that the Jews (which i am one... "if your mother is a Jew, your a Jew")- have an irrevocable position in the Destiny of God's Heart. As i said to one Jewish friend (Tammy) was this---- "I believe that Messiah has already come, You believe that He is coming ... but we both believe that He's showing up to the Table!" It's NOT that i don't want to share my love of Jesus with Jews, i just don't think it's up to me to share Revelation from a particular "bent" on things. Rauch Ha Kodesh, (Holy Spirit... or more literal... The Holy Breath of God")- is more than able to reveal things in whatever fashion HE so desires-- I don't limit the "breathing". i have more to learn about Jesus as a Jew and why God chose that nation- than anything i could even blog on! But i do have to wonder..... where is the Emerging church...... (globally) on this part of the conversation.????????????????? i've researched a bit and not found a lot...... so any thoughts on this part of the dialogue????

Shalom to the deep places,
cathryn

Kitchen in Transition!

Might be one of my more boring posts,- however Phil was off last weekend for 4 days - so this is what we were up to! When we first moved in to our house here in Austin, the kitchen was this blaring color red- (including high gloss which made me want to scream RED RUM or have a food fight rather than a nice sit down meal!) It's been a very HOT summer, 3rd hottest on record in Texas- so i was longing for some cooler color and missing WATERY things... hence the BLUES. So we had to prime the cabinets with the awful paint called Kilz (well named for it's affect with a killer headache) - but that was a royal pain in the arse. It's mostly done- baring some small detail work round the edges and a few nooks and crannies. Happy to say - i much more enjoy my kitchen now - but we have a bunch left over, so we might haff'ta use if for the spare bed room! Next project will be changing out the Orange paint in what will be a "teaching/ office/bodywork room. For now, John and Caroline CIENKI (they just got married a few weeks ago- across the pond!) will be using that space as the crash mat when returning to Austin.
Hosting, painting, settling, unpacking, friendship and fellowship seems to be where we are at. Tis amazing how much stuff ya have to do when your making a space your own...... perhaps by next summer i'll have my garden with yummies- for now- i'm still looking for bits and bobs in boxes. So come sit in my kitchen for a few!
Blessings!

YIKES... IKE IS HEADING OUR WAY!

Well that is the picture of the traffic heading outta the path of Hurricane IKE- so we are not in the direct path of the Eye of the Storm - but we are expecting to get high winds - torrential rains - and hopefully NOT tornado's! Thing is - it's a big storm front - and affects a lot of states- and can some huge effects here in Austin.
I had a dream about 2 weeks or so back- where in it i was speaking to my friend William, and found myself saying... IN THE DREAM- "well the Lord says there is a hurricane/storm coming and it's NOT gonna miss"- referring to Texas. When i awoke i kept feeling that it was aimed for Houston - so when this all formed, i wasn't surprised- yet also was wondering the significance of getting dreams. Which is something that has happened to me for years... knowing storms coming .... physical, spiritual, relational and so forth. Anyway, hopefully we'll be able to keep the power on.. and not need the generator - (small one we have thanks to living through Ice storms in NC) - please keep us in prayer. Shalom Ya all!

Psalm 27

selah

Psalm 16

SELAH........................................................................

Worship In The Woods Pt 5: Pressing On To Know the Lord (b)

Just a really good reminder!!!!! Part B- New Default Thinking !!! i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He wrote a book called "you can't find water on the mountaintop"- really balanced teaching- and timeless - Keep pressing on folks...

Worship In The Woods Pt 4: Pressing on to Know the Lord (a)

I've listened to Wayne Monbleau since 1979 (year i came to know Jesus)- and he's is still doin it! I've been to "The Worship in the Woods" back about 11 years ago... - and then another time i took Stephen Roach!- Wayne is just bottom line, low key- grounded.... and passionate!

House Guidelines.................

This might be a futile exercise... but have to put it out there.-
We've had many a Bedouin - ragamuffins- fellow warriors- artists (fill in the blank there) stay with us for seasons. (some short- some a bit longer) For the most part we just kinda deal with things as they unfold. But God's been nudging me to write a bit on general guidelines in community living and mutual respect of resources. It's hard sometimes, because people have different rhythms of living.
So living out this walk of fellowship, healing and visioning can be quite a task.
Adding to that, different cultures, personality types and the like can make it daunting some days and glorious others. So i'd really like to make this a group effort in understanding and communication.

so-- here is some of my part- that would help make my part in this passion play of life a little easier when people are staying..... (and MUCHO Thanks for those that have blessed us with awareness and extra hearts and hands- it's sooo appreciated - )

Please don't take this as a personal affront - we're all learning.. and this is some of my learning. Some of it may sound really basic, but age, experience, timing (when issues are up), all play a factor. I've failed miserably in some of this... so - gonna try and practice what i preach. Here goes...... hopefully SOMETHING>>>>>>>>>>

In general.... there is an OPEN DOOR Policy - meaning... we want this to be a safe space for those that need whatever God wants to do... that is the general template.
On the basics - Day to Day...... Phil and i both work- (day jobs.. in the general work force) so we are more than willing to spend quality time and share, listen, pray and be Present, when we are outside of that frame.

Some days are more full than others... so if you see me on the couch half asleep or watching something mindless.... it's cuz i need it. Just ASK- if i'm in a place to engage.

If it's a long night of engaging on deep levels... the dishes might be left till morning- but we have a dishwasher.. so please stick it there. A day or two of chaos is norm... but it impedes things too..... so PICK UP as you abide would be helpful. (little things like soap, toilet paper, paper towels, dish detergent and so forth- really helps on keeping things flow'in)

People need the norms... shower, laundry, eating, sleeping (well some of us - i'm a night owl) But i really don't want to be so anal that i have to write a list of chores.... if it's helpful on the awareness aspect... i'll write out some of the basics...................

Kitchen- if you cook it, clean it. If it's a group meal- and someone cooks and spends time loving and serving in that way, love back and help in the clean up.
If you have special food you don't want tampered with - LABEL it. If basics are OUT ... like milk, juice, cheese, bread, beer, wine- libations in general- it does cost money, so replenish please. If you see some good grub on sale... pick it up- all would benefit.

Bathroom (Loo)- Ok that one is my personal pet peeve - I usually have some bleach and a swisher... so the main bathroom (we have 2) - but only one has a bath. It is the HOUSE bathroom, meaning- just cuz you're staying here.. it's not a personal thing. I'm not big on scrubbing down the shower every time it is used... but if you using it more than most... please do so... at least weekly. If you take a bath... it's hygienically important to clean it after your done...
Tooth paste in the sink, hairs after shaving and all the spots left- are not particularly pleasing to the eye of a visitor and gives a poor impression in general. I did have one encounter- where the person felt lead by God to dye their hair a reddish thing... but then failed to clean up.. and it looked like there was a murder that took place or at least something out of the "Shining"-

It really only takes an extra 5 mins or so to do a general wipe down... including the toilet if you're MALE and tend to MISS- "morning glory" and sleepy haze withstanding... i really do understand that. Also, not every time you use a towel after a shower... it doesn't have to go into the wash... Texas heat and sun does a good job, and honestly, you're just wiping off water from a now clean body... so hang it outside and re-use it for a bit.

We have a sensitive toilet, so if your bringing a novel in there to read while you take a weeks worth of a dump... flush occasionally. I've had more than one mishap in that department- and i won't mention names! LOL!!!

Laundry- OK... it's needed.. and for the rest of us, it's good to not have your personal odor burning as incense in the house. That being said... if you had to go to a laundry mat... it would cost some DOSH! So water and electric has it's costs. Mind you we have an old washer and dryer.. and when i get the funding i'll upgrade, but for now... it's what we have Widows Mite..

THE VACUUM CLEANER- aka Hovering!- ok 99% of all dust and dander is HUMAN SKIN... yes, you read correctly! so the more people the more dust and dander... so we have an awesome vacuum cleaner that can remedy this (granted i know Selah my dog is a long hair.. and i've cleaned enough of her hair on the floor and little carpet we have... to stuff a mattress! ) But even if it's doing the main living areas weekly- it makes a huge difference.

Main living area- it's pretty big.. thankfully, but - general clean up is needed. Dust ( i have the goods to do it)- straighten and make it inviting would be my request.

Where you are crashing... YOUR mess is your mess, so please keep it contained. If your in a creative space... paints, music and so forth.... just keep it in semi-order. We don't want to stunt, limit, or hinder the creative process- just understand that living with others, means we have to step over things. When your in mid streaming... put it in a bin or in the garage... and do as needed.

Sleep stuff........ we are all on different work zones.... understandably so and honoured. So if those are sleeping... please do NOT slam doors, crash and bang pots... or go into loud intercession mode screaming in tongues. (that has happened... and while i'm all for joining in to see Kingdom manifest.... i don't need to enter in it with an attitude!) go pray loudly in the yard.... my neighbors are mostly believers and they will most likely bless it - more than call the police! IF there is deliverance going on and you need back up... come wake me up... i know that stuff has timing that is far reaching than what time it is on the clock.!!!

General bottom line.......... if you opened it ... close it... (that goes for prayer spaces too... run the drill, don't need some demonic thing around and about hammering others that didn't know you crossed into enemy camp!)
If you took it out....... put it back...... don't need to emphasis stewardship- least i hope i don't have to give flannel cut outs, diagrams, and directions.

Mostly, we are called to SERVE... and i promise to serve my heart out! But if you see something needs doing... just do it.

I'm all for fun, fellowship, kinship, heart spaces, healing, revelation, break thorough and Kingdom made manifest.... but it takes a bit to keep a tidy ship so all that stuff can happen.

We have a great state wide calling plan..- cable TV and Internet access.... and we cover the cost of those. I've got a good international calling pin thing... that needs topping off when it meets it's limit.- so it's there for the using.

We don't have endless supply of money and things cost.. not trying to hammer that issue... but honestly we are working on that end of things... and could use some help in that.

I'm not your mother, father or parental guardian per say... i hold some of those spaces in the Spirit....and though Derek will say i've got Dolly Parton's Boobs in the spirit, i'm not a personal MILK MAID.. as my dear friend Anna Porter says...

I put this out, cuz i don't want to be frustrated or harbor any bitterness for the pouring out. It's an honor and a privilege to be a part of your lives - as friends and in times of need and covering.

A dear friend asked me... why i use the phrase "under our roof"- for me it's simple, God granted us space to hold a big container for stuff that isn't on the norm of church encounters. What it does mean.... is that those that are staying.... take a servant's heart view and bless back the best they can.

Authority, is an often misused word and comes with all sorts of expectations...but when someone comes "under our roof" it means sharing in the Kingdom stuff that is cool and wondrous but the day to day can feel mundane at best. A room-mate pays rent... a house-mate means understanding what it is to Serve.. as unto HIM.

I'm sure there are tidy bits that need addressing or a good sorting through.. but that is the general "how two's and too's" Many hands make lite work or so i'm told. If you've got more insight it would be helpful to run a tighter ship that has more room for the wind of Holy Spirit to fill the sails.

Thanks for reading and listening ..........

shalom to all parts and much love on this journey into HIS heart!
xo cathryn

Tornado

More goods for the gander and fuel for the journey!

Jason Upton and Angel sing Fly

OK i've been in worship when stuff like happens.... at our wedding there was a violin that is ON the recording.. and you could hear it during the worship! so when i heard this.. i have to post this stuff! I'm a charismystic - soooo
enjoy!

Jason Upton - Lion of Judah

This is one of my fav's- He's playing at a Morningstar conference last year... glad it's out there....
It's some of what i miss about NC- i have a lot of radical worshiper friends ... and i miss them... so
Lord - Let us hear YOU ROAR over our hearts, heads, every nook and cranny let it vibrate with the sound of Your fierce Roar over YOUR beloved!

Steve Thompson for President with Intro

This is toooooo funny. I love when steve teaches... but this just made me roll. Thank Julia for sending it my way... enjoy ya all. Oh for those of you who don't know steve he's one of the head honcho's at Morning Star Ministries. He's got a really good book on the prophetic too...

September in Austin

Ok.... so it's been a few months in Austin. Bought a house... moved twice! Things already flowing... our friend John has been staying for a few weeks, and all his stuff is in the garage.. (wow we never had one before.. how handy!) He jaunted over the pond and got married to Caroline on Friday... really cool stuff. Andrew Jones (notorious one)- did the shin dig... and when they land back here in Austin, they will be staying here for a bit while looking for a home. So already- this house seems to be the landing point for a few things. Amy and Derek are in Antwerp mini vacation, and considering the full on flow this summer... a well needed one at that. So that means we're doing some things on the "honey do list"- but it's a joint effort. We are redoing our kitchen ... i'd love to trash it... and make it more functional and ergonomic, but funding is limited - so we are waist high in priming, paint, and a general mess.... but should be more US. Who ever did the paint job before did this reddish pink... more red than pink but high gloss.... so isn't inviting- more like i'd rather have a food fight cuz the colour is irritating! so we are on the painting thang! new colours, new expression.... got a few rooms to paint. but feel it's needed.
Jenna Lynn White is still out in Orkney with the Jones's - glad she's there, but coming back soon. so what we really need is some money.. to set some wind in these sails... so could use some prayers on that front... and if you feel like giving a gift.... email me.... PLEASE! Food, lights, water.... the basics need help. I usually don't post that on a blog ... but honestly ... for those of you that read this... it's needed ... and please pass it along.
We really deal with people in transition... safe place to land... breath... eat... create.... vision.......... not your norm on sunday morning. We kinda "MIND THE GAP" spaces. That might be the fund that we need to create so people can get a tax right off. But hey it's kingdom stuff... and write off's are great.... but don't think it was done that way before during Roman times.... it was hearts giving cuz they felt the need was worthy. NUFF SAID...........

Ok, so William Jordan will be in... soon and making a home here... YES we are the landing pad - again.!!!
And HOPEFULLY- our English friends will get their Visa's ......... and can make it their home. So there is a lot in transition... with all the stuff that comes with it.... the good, bad, ugly and BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!

that's where we are at!
any advice... lemmy hear ya!
xo cat